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2004-02-19 - 6:03 p.m.

I'm better today.

Yesterday I felt I was on the edge of madness. The anxiety would hit and for a moment I think about just slipping a little and plunging over the edge for a while. Let the blackness cover me and bring me peace. I don't know if I could come back though. I fight and fight and then I'm ok. Until the next time when I can feel it creeping around the edges of my soul.

If I stop fighting and struggling to remain on the knife's blade how long until it slices through my feet and I can't stop it anymore. By that time will I welcome it? I hope it will never happen, but it seems like the times I am good are fewer and far between than before. I need to go back to work, because when I'm working or dancing then I stop thinking about everything and loose myself.

It's the only time I feel sane.

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