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2007-10-29 - 5:04 p.m.

How is that in a nightmare at the exact moment that you can't take another second of terror or pain you wake up?

I often have very vivid dreams, many times they are nightmares. Why do they seem so real? Why do I wake up clutching the body part that was in pain? Why do I feel the phantom of that pain for a few minutes after waking?

The worst dreams are the ones where my children are in trouble. I know I dream of this often because I am so concerned that they are safe at all times. It would be my worst nightmare come true if something happened to one of them. These kind of nightmares seem to haunt my waking hours days after. I can't seem to shake them. No matter how many times I tell myself they are fine I worry still.

Two nights ago I dreamed I was swimming and I looked down in the clear pool water and saw the baby lying face down on the bottom of the pool. I remember the sheer terror and heart ripping pain as I tried to dive down to get her. Just as I dove I woke up.

If I can't bear that kind of pain in a dream, then surely I can't be expected to live through that kind of tragedy in real life right?

I spent the next hour kissing my sleeping baby and praying that she and all my other angels be allowed to grow up. In fact I have prayed for the last two days that they will all be safe.
It's hard to forget those kind of dreams, the ache lasts at the memory of it.

Please, please don't let me have to feel that in reality, my heart can't take it.

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