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2003-12-09 - 10:02 p.m.

Over the years growing up I picked up along the way certain personality aspects that I always made a mental note that when I grew up I would never do. Does that make sense? No? Let me rephrase. I would see something done either to me or around me and say to myself...."self, never do that".

Most of these things were done by my parents and grandparents. Those who are the closest to us always rub us the wrong way at some point.

I was thinking of one of those times tonight and I just needed to tell you about it. It's not a big thing really, just something that me made me gasp with fear. Yes fear, for you see one of those thing I said I would never do, I just noticed I've now done.

I'll start at the beginning. Going to my grandparents home was always an adventure because it was always messy and cluttered, but there was always candy in various dishes around the house. That was one of the better qualities about my Grandmother. One of the worst things that bothered me was a table right inside the door by the phone. This table always and I do mean ALWAYS had an enormous amount of crap on it. Not real crap but papers, bills, letters and whatever. Some days it was piled so high I was afraid I would bump it and it would all come tumbling down like a carefully constructed domino display. Some days it wasn't so bad but it was never clean. I remember as a little girl thinking..."self, never have a table like that".

That memory came flooding back as I sat on my couch thinking of all the things I needed to do but didn't want to. I looked over at my little counter/desk area where my phone is and....guess. It is piled with CRAP!!!!! Bills, papers, newspaper, kids homework, you name it it's there!!! Tomorrow I am going to clean it all off and organize it.

Nothing motivates like the thought that I might be turning into my Grandmother.

Deliver me.

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