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2003-06-26 - 5:52 p.m.

EWWWWWW, icky, ew!

I have felt like this all day. It's almost like I've dipped my hands in something disgusting. Some slime covered goo that I've managed to step in and it clings to me like a wet, cold swimsuit. Yuck factor is huge. The most annoying thing is I'm not sure exactly why I feel this way.

It could be many a foul thing that has crossed my path, none of which should make me feel exactly this way. (That I can think of anyway)

I thought maybe an hour covered in nice clean dirt out in my garden would scrub it away. Alas, no it is still here and getting stronger every moment. It's not unlike a spider crawling up my leg but even that would be more welcome than this. I can't just sweep it away like a I could a spider, btw I hate spiders. I have the most horrible nightmares about black widows eating my children. Freaky I know.

Is it an omen? Something horrible about to happen? I'm not sure if I believe in omens. I know I'm not superstitious. Black cats, ladders, broken mirrors.....bring em on. I however do believe in bad feelings.

By the pricking of my thumbs something wicked this way comes.

Am I good (or bad) enough to kick it's ass?

Mess with me fine but screw with my family and I have a serious problem with that. If you are coming then come and get me. I can take it. It may mess me up but if it doesn't kill me then I'll have won right?

It's the tension that is building and is on the brink of bursting that is making me so wary. Maybe I'm just being paranoid. Maybe I'm crazy, delusional, unpredictable, freakin' nuts. I bought this shirt that says "don't annoy the unmedicated person" I wonder if I shouldn't be on medication. I've heard it weakens your sex drive, that is just not an option. I happen to enjoy my sex drive, thank you. I'm not messing with it.

Oooo, I just thought of that song by Matchbox 20 called "unwell"

All day staring at the ceiling

Making friends with shadows on my wall

All night hearing voices telling me

That I should get some sleep

Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on

Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown

And I don't know why

[Chorus]

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell

I know right now you can't tell

But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see

A different side of me

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired

I know right now you don't care

But soon enough you're gonna think of me

And how I used to be...me

I'm talking to myself in public

Dodging glances on the train

And I know, I know they've all been talking about me

I can hear them whisper

And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me

Out of all the hours thinking

Somehow I've lost my mind

I've been talking in my sleep

Pretty soon they'll come to get me

Yeah, they're taking me away ~Matchbox Twenty

Hummm.....it makes me wonder.

Nawww....I'm not that bad off am I?

I'm sure in a few days something will happen and then my feelings will be confirmed and if not then I won't worry.

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