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2003-06-05 - 2:56 p.m.

What do you believe in? I don't mean what religon you belong to, I'm talking about supernatural things. Is it possible to only believe in some things but not all? I know that spirits exist, I have felt them looming over me at night. What the hell do they want? Are they just trying to scare the everloving shit out of me or what? I love vampire lore but I don't really deep down think they exist like they do in books. My hubby has pre-cognitive abilities so the thought that someone could be psychic shouldn't alarm my "delicate" (Ha!) sensibilities too much. *snicker*

I want to talk about psychics. I think that some can get a feel on things but I had a difficult time "believing". I always felt sorry for those poor suckers on t.v. wanting to communicate with their dead.

That is until the other night. When you supress your inner self as much as I do and then have some harmless, Wilford Brimley looking character touch my hand and tell me all the things that I hide and cover up, all I can say is that it freaked me out like nothing else has in a long time. I was outraged that he would tell me things that I didn't really want to hear. Just who did he think he was to bring up memories I needed to keep hidden and forgotten for the betterment of all humanity? Who was he to tell me I was a lustful sexual diviant, ok that wasn't too far a reach to figure out since I'm a shamless flirt. I can't help it, I can't change the tide. The next time he came in I told him not to touch me and to mind his creepy own buisness.

It would have been different had I asked for a reading. Maybe he thought he was doing me a favor by exposing me to myself. Who the hell knows what drives real psychos to do the things they do! Me I know where my drive comes from, I don't force my strangeness on anyone, unless they really beg for it. heh.

Supression may not be healthy but it's the way I deal with it and it's MY way thank you very much. I swear if he comes in again and asks if I dealt with the thing with my father I am going to kick his ASS!!! Old fart or no, he is going down.

He's a psychic, he should see it coming.

Of course I am not this upset over the few things I wrote here, know this, some of the things were way too personal and horrible, I have tried to forget them and hope that he was wrong about me on some of the things he said. I started to write them down and there is just too much I don't want to remember even though I feel like it's burned in my mind like the blast of a nuclear bomb that imprinted the shadows of it's victims in the concrete.

supress, repress, cover it up. It's the american way right?

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