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2006-03-15 - 12:29 p.m.

Why oh why do I feel responsible for the well being of everyone around me? I accept and revel in the role of caretaker for my little family but it's the issue of my parents that I STILL have trouble with.

Am I supposed to live my life for their happiness? AM I????

....yes I know I have written about this before.

Here is the latest. My Father is a home builder. He builds homes. He built our first home, and our second. He also just finished our basement. He does a good job except I feel like I can't ask him to work on it or to do anything that is unusual or difficult. He also takes forever to get it done. So, that said we have decided to move. We like our home but we feel like we are out growing it. We also want to be a little closer to Scott's family and a little further away from mine.

We found a neighborhood that is perfect. It's right in the middle of both of our parents. It's beautiful, it's in another city, it's surrounded by trees. We adore it. The only way we could buy the lot is if we let the builder that owns the lot build on it for us. We love that idea but I know for a fact that my Dad will be so pissed that he may not speak to me for a while or even come over to this new home once it's finished.

We put money down so it's done. I then had to break the news. I told them we were moving and it was a "build job" meaning my Dad couldn't build it. My Mom cried my Dad took it well...too well. I know this tactic. He acts like it's fine then stews about if forever then blows up at me and acts like I just destroyed his life.

He has had these "episodes" my whole life. It makes me think that my parents believe I owe them their happiness. I know I need to honor my parents, but how far do I need to take it?

Am I being selfish? Scott said he couldn't handle having my Dad build us another house. He makes it too stressful. I agree. I couldn't handle it either.

My Mom called and said she hasn't been the same since I told her and my Dad is now depressed (like that's any different than usual). She wants me to go to lunch with him and cheer him up....uh no thanks, I think I'll avoid the volcano for a while.?

So am I wrong? Scott says I need to just tell them to get over it and let me live my own life. Hellooooo that is so easier said than done. Especially because I'm terrified of my Dad. Scott said something that is both sad and true. He said I would never feel like a grown up and have peace until they were both gone. He's right.

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