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2003-07-29 - 5:26 p.m.

I hate it when I can't sleep.

Last night I came home from work, my body exhausted but my mind alert and needing to find something to do. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep. I knew that if I crawled into bed I would lay there staring at the fan above my bed. There is just enough light that my mind makes out shadows and takes it to another creepy level as the shadows begin to swirl. I hate that.

So I thought if I read a little it would help my mind to grow fuzzy and finally allow me to drift off. I was reading "The turn of the screw" It's a great ghost story which I shouldn't have been indulging in right before bed since I tend to dream in full technicolor of whatever I had just been doing right before I go to bed. After a couple of hours of reading and re-reading several pages (rolling eyes at my stupidity) I decided I might be able to sleep. Ya, right. Wishful thinking on my part.

I laid in bed for a least an hour staring at that stupid fan!! Grrrr... I kept expecting some ghostly shadow to just materialize out of one of the corners of my room. I was in that area of almost sleep and not really awake when I hear a loud cry from the other room. My son having a nightmare. I'm not the only one who dreams. Another few hours I am drifting along in some crazy walking along the edge of the top of some skyscraper dream when I jolt awake from the sound of loud music in the other room, thinking one of my children woke up and turned on the t.v. I wake my honey and ask him.....um.. what's that? That is his cue to get out of bed and see what the noise is.

He coming fully awake jumps up and returns in a few moments a little puzzled. No one was in the other room, and yet music was coming through our DVD player. Yikes!!! Needless to say I did have a rough night. At least I've stopped sleeping with the pillow over my head. I didn't want to accidently wake up and see someone or something. That hasn't happened for a while. Maybe the cycle is coming round again.

How would it be to drift off within 5 minutes of your head hitting a downy soft pillow? I'm sure I'll never know. Sometimes I am so jealous of my husband because he does just that. If I'm in a especially mean spirit I wait until he is asleep then I ask him something, most of the time it's "What's that noise" OR I laugh out loud at his sleep jerk. You know the one I'm talking about, when you just start to fall asleep and your whole body jerks and wakes you up. If I'm mad at him or was still harboring some deep pissed off feeling from the day I will slowly sneak my ice cold foot over to his side of the bed and very gently so I don't wake him press it up against something nice and warm of his, then pretend to be asleep and deeply sorry for waking him up.

Did I mention I was evil? Hee,hee. Serves him right for not laying there wide awake for hours with me.

My feet are always freezing even in the summer because he keeps the air on all night and has it set at 60 something. Ok maybe it's not in the 60's but it's close. I hate shoes, socks, slippers or anything that that smothers my pigs. So if he gets a frozen appendage up his..well...you can guess....every once in a while then he deserves it. right? Right!!! I did say I was evil right? Just don't tell me to what degree my wickedness runs. I don't think I want to know.

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