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2003-06-17 - 2:35 p.m.

Toughen up

Thicken your shell

Don't let it bother you

Don't be so sensitive

Forget about it

Don't worry about what others think and say about you

Why are these things so easy to tell yourself but so difficult to do? Maybe for some it's simple to ignore the comments of others. It may be easy, but for me it is not. I can put up a tough exterior only for so long until I crumble like a week old cookie. Why do I feel like I need to please everyone? Who can live up to that? Who can please and make all the people happy all the time? Is it even possible? Why do I care? I just want to scream and never stop until I don't have a voice left. How can I shut off my emotions and years of worrying about what other people think? Oh I can pretend like I don't care, I can fake it pretty well, for a while anyway.

Yesterday was rough. My children were home from school (summer vacation). The very first day and I wondered what the hell am I going to do to keep them happy and content? They fight, argue, try to kill each other. Would I go to jail if I let them? Kidding. I thought going to work would bring some peace. No. Of course that couldn't happen, no, as soon as I walked in I started getting teased. Normally I don't mind but I was all teased out and didn't need it. I put up my "don't piss me off" attitude but then someone said something that my manager said about me and that was it. I wanted out of there. I couldn't leave so...I started crying and couldn't stop. I don't need everyone saying "what's wrong?" "Are you ok?" DO I LOOK OK???

Leave me alone, go away. I AM FINE!!!!

What the hell is wrong with me!! I'm broken. I need to go in for repairs.

Do you know any good repair shops?

Today, I am going in with it all shut down. I am going to tell myself that I don't care, nothing matters, I am not going to let anyone or anything bother me today. I am riding the wave of apathy. All my replies will be just like Cusco..."don't know, don't care"

Anyone wants something different, well then they will just have to wait. I'm running on low battery. Hopefully the charger will be available soon.

Peace out!

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