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2003-06-04 - 3:14 p.m.

My 8 yr. old son is now and forever re-named "spawn of the devil". In the past 8 years I have come to respect his level of ingenuity at getting into, destroying, and screwing up any and all valuable objects. It's funny though because I can't seem to ever be mad at him. He is what I would be without my wacked conscience. He does whatever he wants, when he wants and be dammed the consequences. I love him more than life but there are somedays I swear the Lucifer himself is coming back for him. I decided I needed to chronicle some of his most brilliant escapades for future reference in case when he grows up and wonders why he is living in the fiery depths of hell he will read this and understand. Of course I'm sure I'll be right there along side of him and I will be able through the heat choked sulfer explain it myself. I am so going to hell. Ok here it goes.

The first incident I believe was when he was about 3 and his baby sister was crying, all of a sudden she stopped, I went to check on her and there he was with a pillow over her head. I believe that was the first of several times he has tried to kill her. The next was on Christmas Eve when all children should be on their best behavior in anticipation of glorious toys from Santa. He was 4 almost 5 when his baby sister asked him for a drink, with absolute love he got her a drink out of the toilet (yellow as well) and proceeded to watch her drink it. Later on that year he set the garbage can on fire and almost burned the house down. Did I mention he is obsessed with melting his toys? He loves any and all things scary, gross, repulsive and dark. I can't really blame him there since he takes after me in that respect. You should see us on Halloween, me and my children of the corn. Is it just learned behavior? Or is it ingrained. My girls are just like me but they actually are able to control their impulses much better than my son. Last night he tore open a hacky sack and scattered the contents all over the house. It looked like a miniture rabbit had shit little black pellets over every inch of the carpet. The night before he smeared bar soap on the bathroom lights so when you turned on the lights it smelled like a shower that had never been cleaned of the soap scum. This is just a sampling of the various mischievous doings of my adorable blonde-haired, green-blue eyed devil that masquerades as a cherub. Hi, my name is sarcasm, have we met? I don't think I can count how many people have called me a smart-ass, I suppose it's better than being a dumb-ass right? *laugh* I'm sure there will be more of the "Spawn's" evil doings. Heh,heh.

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