navigation

last five

contact

2003-05-28 - 5:09 p.m.

I don't have to work today, Woo Hoo! Last night was so dead. Sometimes I don't mind though. When It's busy it really makes the night fly, but lately I have had so much on my mind it feels like my brains are going to spill out of my cranium like an over stuffed gym bag. I can't seem to keep one thought in my head for more than a few minutes before it switches to another track. Well, actually there are a few things that always seem to be hanging around and they circle just like a bunch of vultures hanging around waiting for me to die of thirst before they pluck out my eyes.

Why is it the things you want to put on the back burner are the very ones you can't? Every time I think about it my belly does this flippy doo-dah thing and I swear I've just jumped off a cliff. You know the feeling I'm talking about right? I went bunjee jumping and it was the same feeling. Have you ever done something like that? It was the singular most terrifying thing I've ever done. I always stand at the top of a precipice whether it be the Grand Canyon, the Space Needle, or what have you, (you get the idea) and I picture myself climing over the railing and doing a swan dive. I can actually see the scene in my head. I know I'm creating a fear for myself but I love the feeling I get in my stomach at the thought. Don't get me wrong I'm not suicidal, obsessed with death and morbidity, maybe, ok yes I am but I would never take my own life. I'm too frightend of what comes next. This life is too much fun with all the twists and turns, and seemingly lately the giant pot holes I keep overlooking until I fall in. What would life be like if everything went perfect? I imagine it would be quite ordinary and boring. So do you think I create drama just to avoid the mundanity? Possible. Anything is possible.

I think I need a new hobby. Tae-Chi? It could be fun. I enjoy doing

Tae-Bo I need to check it out. I'm going to get my navel pierced. Do I hear you screaming MID LIFE CRISIS!!!

*smirk* I don't think that is it. Although when my sister said she was getting her tounge done I laughed my butt off. The tounge is so over done I believe. There is a difference in wanting to do something because I really want to and doing it be rebelious. I've wanted to get my navel done for about 4 years now. Do you think that's long enough to contemplate? I won't be able to give blood for a year. I usually give every 8 weeks. Is the trade off worth it? I have ab- blood which is the rarest. So they pretty much call me 8 week on the dot to come in.

An interesting think happend last time I gave blood. There was a woman next to me giving at the same time. I was comfortable laying back, squeezing my hand ball to keep the blood pumping steady. The woman next to me was causing a ruckus, she didn't want this arm she wanted the other one, except she had an elbow injury and now it started to hurt so it had to be the other one. I was rolling my eyes, which I happens to be a bad habit of mine since I was a teenager, when the tech started to put in the needle and she let out this scream of pain. We all jumped and she started sobbing saying it hurt so bad. Did I have compassion for her? Did I feel bad that she was in so much pain? No, I had to supress a grin thinking what a freaking baby. Does that make me evil? I can tell you I was wondering what was wrong with me that I was laughing at this poor woman. I don't usually laugh at people in pain, so why was I now? It keeps me up at night.....actually it doesn't but maybe it should.

I need to go be mom now. Ramble later.

Learn more Irish �

Get this widget